An honest look at how I handle the most common things people say to me since going public with my faith shift. If you're deconstructing, you've probably heard them too
Do you really need to respond to (what is definitely unhelpful) criticism...at all? One thing that I liked about Billy Graham was that he did not attempt to defend himself but remained singly focused for better or worse. Deano
You sure don't! I normally but not always give someone one response to see how it goes, assuming I don't know them. If I actually know someone I will typically respond regardless.
#3. Hi Joe. If I can say God is love, as embodied in the actions and teachings of Jesus, is that also too simplistic in your opinion? I agree that to say my faith is about loving God and people could lead to all kinds of abuse in the name of God, but Jesus' ministry was rooted in love. How would you define love in this context? I'm grappling with this because I do make deep dives, and I also believe that love is at the very core of all faiths, and failure to care about one another and our world leads to the kind of mess we find ourselves in today.
#3 is the hardest one for me to respond to sometimes—because I really did try to live that way. And honestly, I don’t think it’s the worst lens for an individual to have.
The problem is, I usually hear it from leaders and pastors.
Here’s a conversation I’ve had a dozen times:
“It’s just about loving God and loving people.”
“Okay… what about LGBTQ+ people?”
“Oh, they’re welcome here just as they are—they just can’t teach or lead.”
And there it is.
The moment a line is drawn, the conversation shifts.
What started as a simple ethic has now opened the door to biblical criticism and 2,000 years of theological debate.
When I say “loving people,” I mean anyone can lead.
When they say it, it often means gay people can’t.
So… it’s never that simple.
At least not in leadership.
But for you as you are saying it, I think it's great if it helps you navigate all this. Ultimately it will still come down to what "love" and "God" mean to you.
I still can’t agree that this one isn’t right. It’s what I live by. But I do agree that the hypocrisy is staggering: you are supposed to love unconditionally (except for these conditions).
My own faith relies on those two rules. And I very hard to recognize when I violate them.
Totally fair and I understand. I’m reacting to people who say it as reason to not ask hard questions more than those who use it as a mantra to live by.
The Ouija board bit in the snarky response to #5 had me CACKLING! 😂 The magic 8 ball analogy was also good. I learned quick not to ask questions, at least not out loud. So I don't know if I'll ever find myself in a situation where I'll be able to use these as reference, but will keep them in mind if it turns out I do need them.
To be honest, Joe, some of those questions have come up for me in my own head (with myself!) Thanks for calling them out. That more honest, deeper faith is worth longing for. I’ve been experiencing hints of it and it really is so good.
this is really valuable. Il bet many people will copy this and use it - nice work
Thanks, Jim
Do you really need to respond to (what is definitely unhelpful) criticism...at all? One thing that I liked about Billy Graham was that he did not attempt to defend himself but remained singly focused for better or worse. Deano
You sure don't! I normally but not always give someone one response to see how it goes, assuming I don't know them. If I actually know someone I will typically respond regardless.
#3. Hi Joe. If I can say God is love, as embodied in the actions and teachings of Jesus, is that also too simplistic in your opinion? I agree that to say my faith is about loving God and people could lead to all kinds of abuse in the name of God, but Jesus' ministry was rooted in love. How would you define love in this context? I'm grappling with this because I do make deep dives, and I also believe that love is at the very core of all faiths, and failure to care about one another and our world leads to the kind of mess we find ourselves in today.
#3 is the hardest one for me to respond to sometimes—because I really did try to live that way. And honestly, I don’t think it’s the worst lens for an individual to have.
The problem is, I usually hear it from leaders and pastors.
Here’s a conversation I’ve had a dozen times:
“It’s just about loving God and loving people.”
“Okay… what about LGBTQ+ people?”
“Oh, they’re welcome here just as they are—they just can’t teach or lead.”
And there it is.
The moment a line is drawn, the conversation shifts.
What started as a simple ethic has now opened the door to biblical criticism and 2,000 years of theological debate.
When I say “loving people,” I mean anyone can lead.
When they say it, it often means gay people can’t.
So… it’s never that simple.
At least not in leadership.
But for you as you are saying it, I think it's great if it helps you navigate all this. Ultimately it will still come down to what "love" and "God" mean to you.
I still can’t agree that this one isn’t right. It’s what I live by. But I do agree that the hypocrisy is staggering: you are supposed to love unconditionally (except for these conditions).
My own faith relies on those two rules. And I very hard to recognize when I violate them.
Totally fair and I understand. I’m reacting to people who say it as reason to not ask hard questions more than those who use it as a mantra to live by.
The Ouija board bit in the snarky response to #5 had me CACKLING! 😂 The magic 8 ball analogy was also good. I learned quick not to ask questions, at least not out loud. So I don't know if I'll ever find myself in a situation where I'll be able to use these as reference, but will keep them in mind if it turns out I do need them.
haha!
WOW. (Save.)
:)
🔥🔥🔥
Thank you for this!
:)
To be honest, Joe, some of those questions have come up for me in my own head (with myself!) Thanks for calling them out. That more honest, deeper faith is worth longing for. I’ve been experiencing hints of it and it really is so good.
This is so good and I can so relate! I have to bite my tongue and think of a gracious, loving response when people attack me for evolving my beliefs.
Thank you.